MARRIAGE IN TOREMBI
CONTENTS
Deciding to get married
Organising for the marriage
Preparing for the wedding feasts
The day of the marriage
Other weddings in Torembi
AUDIO:
Click the audio links under each title for Dr. Tyman's narration
CONTENTS
Deciding to get married
Organising for the marriage
Preparing for the wedding feasts
The day of the marriage
Other weddings in Torembi
AUDIO:
Click the audio links under each title for Dr. Tyman's narration
Deciding to get married
1_deciding
In Torembi, women play the major role in food production.
They scrape sago, gather food from the forest, tend the gardens, feed the animals, collect firewood and prepare the meals.
Because of this, when a man invites a woman to be his wife, her family requires compensation, commonly known as a bride price.
This also serves to keep money circulating in the community and binds it together in a complex pattern of mutual indebtedness - since all members of the clan are expected to contribute.
As a result, getting married is a complicated process and can take months or even years.
Commonly, a young couple will live together first at the house of the groom’s father, but before doing so must ask permission at meetings where the amount of the compensation to be paid is also decided.
These discussions involve elders from both clans, the bride’s and the groom’s.
Some months later an initial payment is made at an informal ceremony called pasim bel meaning ‘to fasten the belly’ since it is really an insurance against pregnancy.
The agreement is sealed with the presentation of a live chicken and betel nuts.
To pay the balance owing, the groom’s family then contacts all those indebted to them as a result of their contributions to similar ceremonies in the past.
However, as it’s impossible to raise a large amount of money overnight, it’s common for a couple to have one or two children by the time the official wedding ceremony takes place.
Organising for the marriage
2_organising
Early on the day appointed, after all those concerned had indicated their readiness to contribute, the drums were sounded and the groom's clan met together to raise the agreed amount of compensation to be paid to the family of the bride.
The groom’s immediate family were first to arrive, bringing their gifts to the table in the haus tambaran.
The size of each person’s contribution was carefully recorded. In this way, next time there was such a ceremony, every man would know how much he could expect each of his neighbours to provide.
There was no rush of relatives anxious to contribute, however, so the invitation was sent out again. A few more trickled in.
The groom’s father was particularly concerned and full of advice as to what should be done.
A debate followed, in which those who’d paid up criticised those who had not, emphasising their points in the usual way by hitting the debating stool with a switch of leaves to gain the attention of the audience.
No one here can be expected to raise two or three thousand dollars overnight. People need time and lots of encouragement.
Finally, however, the recorder was able to report that the level of compensation agreed upon had been paid.
Preparing for the wedding feasts
3_preparing
While banknotes have replaced the sea shells and pigs used for money in the past, the price to be paid by the husband’s clan still includes the provision of one pig — so the bride's family can celebrate.
The groom in this case, Joseph Kwaru, had a pig he’d kept for 10 years.
It was gigantic.
The only problem was this was the biggest pig in the village and, by tradition, once the groom had provided a pig for the bride’s family, her parents were bound to provide in return a beast identical in size, so the groom could also celebrate with his friends.
Since there was no other pig as big as Joe’s in Torembi, the bride’s family would have to buy one from another village and this would cost them hundreds of dollars.
So Joe’s gift wasn't entirely appreciated.
Every wedding in Torembi involves several feasts, for which pigs must be provided.
There were celebrations in the groom’s village and, on the eve of the wedding, there was another celebration at the house of the bride's father.
This was a casual occasion so no one wore traditional dress. The men did most of the singing while the women were busy cooking the pig outside.
The day of the marriage
4_thebigday
When everything was ready, the bride’s personal drumming signal was sounded on the garamut, to call her home for the very last time.
Her brother trimmed her hair, symbolically severing her links with home.
She was dressed in all her finery, as were her cousins, who joined her.
As she left her father’s house, the bride walked over her relatives, in another symbolic act separating herself from them.
She would no longer belong to her own family, but to her husband’s.
The procession then set off to travel from the bride’s former house and village to that of the groom, several kilometres away.
The bridal party wound its way through the bush, along forest paths and over log bridges crossing gullies.
The bride had trained as a nurse in the city and her wedding outfit included both traditional and non-traditional elements.
The procession then passed through the sago swamp, walking over logs which formed floating pathways, and from there it was only a short distance to the groom’s village.
At various points along the way the procession would stop, the bride would stand motionless and expressionless, while the women would dance around her singing for 10 minutes or so.
The songs told of the trials and tribulations she would face as a married woman.
As each round of dancing was completed, the bride once more walked over her relatives and the procession moved off again.
When at last she reached her new home, the bride was seated on a chair in front of the door and the women danced around her for some time.
When the dancing came to an end, the bride would either be lifted up on the chair and carried bodily into the house, or she could climb the steps herself — to resume life with the man to whom she was now formally married.
Other weddings in Torembi
5_otherweddings
Most weddings in Torembi these days take place over the Christmas holidays, for this is when many who have left the village for work come back to visit and bring money with them.
This woman had a job in the city, but returned home to be married in the traditional way.
The dancing at her wedding continued long after she had entered her new home.
At another wedding, the bride did not have far to go to reach the home of her husband, since he lived just a few metres away at a neighbouring house.
It was a simple wedding, but she still wore the traditional bird of paradise feathers as part of her wedding outfit.
Inside the house after the wedding, the guests were seated along the sides of the room, and presents were spread out on the floor.
The bride’s material possessions were on display for all to see — a case containing personal items, cooking utensils and a new axe.
These were gifts from the bride’s own family and would belong to her, not to her husband.
Then there was the pork, ready to be divided among the groom’s guests, according to the size of their contributions.
Deciding which pieces of meat should go to which family was a major task which took some time to negotiate.